Blue Jaguars and Eyebrows--My first Beauty Blog Post!

If someone gave me a blue Jaguar convertible, I'd do my best to take care of it! Keep it clean and shiny inside and out, take it in for check-ups, drive responsibly, and not make a habit of flaunting it around South Bronx. I believe my body is a gift as well, so I think it's important to take care of it and try to present it in the best way I can! Here's another reason why taking care of your body is important:

“Your clothing expresses who you are. It sends messages about you, and it influences the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you can. . . exercise a good influence on those around you” (True to the Faith, 107).

I see "misguided" beauty, fashion, and health choices all the time and they drive me crazy! I don't think some people are fully aware of the message they're sending as a result of being misinformed. Yet as a nice girl, I tend not to point them out. One of the things I want to do on this blog is talk about how to avoid my pet peeves in beauty, fashion, and health!

 I'll start with something simple but that makes a huge difference--eyebrows! If I'm running out the door and only have 2 minutes to do my make up, brushing and filling in my eyebrows is always one of the things I do. Eyebrows frame your face and are a key factor in how the rest of your facial bone structure looks. They also have a huge impact on your eyes, and since the eyes are the window to the soul you want them to have a nice frame!

Look at the difference the two different types of eyebrows make here:

(Thank you Photoshop!)

They are very different, even though these are both decently-shaped eyebrows! Neither are too thin or thick for her face, but they emphasize different aspects of her face and give off different feels. The thicker eyebrows bring out her strong jaw and bring attention to the eyes, while the thinner eyebrows make her features look more delicate and her eyes almost overpower her eyebrows.

Everyone's eyebrows are different, but whether yours are thick, thin, straight, really arched, curved, dark, or light, they are that way for a reason! So the best piece of advice I can give is to work with what you have. Please don't just shave them and draw them back on. Here are the three basic things you need to pay attention to:

1. Thickness
If you have thin brows, you may want to do some filling in with eyebrow pencil, but never go for the Brooke Shields look; it likely won't work on your face, however gorgeous it is on her!

If you have thick brows, please pluck--but not too much! I have made the mistake of over-plucking my eyebrows before and it made my face look heavier and rounder. :o Never doing that again!

 Who ever thought eyebrows like this are cute?

2. Shape
How much of an arch do you have? Even if you don't have a lot, through good shaping you can get the appearance of some. Yet did you notice Natalie Portman's eyebrows in Thor?

 They looked amazing totally straight! Don't be afraid to rock straight eyebrows!

If you do have an arch, awesome. Yet be careful about over-emphasizing the arches because you don't want to look comical. Personally, I can tell when I'm over-emphasizing my arches via shaping or penciling because they make my face look harsher and less natural.
Here's a good tutorial video on how to shape your eyebrows:

 

http://www.blushingbasics.com/2010/06/brow-know-how.html
P.S.-I just love this blog period. :)

If you have an early arch, just please avoid this look at all costs.

3. Color
Whether you use an eyebrow pencil or eyeshadow with an angled brush to shape or fill in your eyebrows, its worth the effort to find one that matches the color of your natural eyebrows! If you're a natural blonde with very pale eyebrows, this one's tricky. If you have white-blonde hair to match, leave them be. But if there are any darker tones in your hair, if you can find a pencil that matches that tone to use on your eyebrows it will look the most natural. And you don't need any expensive brands, the eyebrow pencil I use was like $2 from K-Mart.
If you dye your hair a different hair color, regardless of how good the dye job is, having your eyebrows your natural color will be a DEAD giveaway your hair isn't its natural color. If you can't find a pencil color that looks natural, ask your hairdresser to dye your eyebrows, too.


Happy shaping, penciling, filling in, etc!
Grace

My Mom is amazing.

Considering everyone in my household has been sick a minimum of once within the past month and a half its a miracle I haven't gotten sick until now. Poor little Caroline is on her third round! But want in on a secret? I've actually been hoping to get sick sooner rather than later (I knew it was highly improbable that it would all together miss me.) because now is a convenient time--as far as sickness ever being convenient goes--and there are a lot of inconvenient times coming up: pageant season, and right after that AP tests, and then *gasp* graduation and my last summer before college.

The first night I started to feel really bad was the night before my first day going back to school from a 3-day weekend. I ranted to Mom, "I know I understand this Stats but I can't think clearly enough to finish the homework and I don't want to do terribly on the test because I just can't think straight and there are quizzes in Gov tomorrow I haven't done the reading for and at the end of the day I know grades don't really matter anymore, I don't need to be concerned unless I'm getting lower than B's, and something that's been really great about this year and having grades not matter is that I've really been able to focus on enjoying learning and having what I've learned be my self-imposed measure because I want to learn rather than just freaking about grades 24/7, and I'm into BYU so I don't even have to worry about being wait-listed, but the perfectionist side of me is still just freaking out and feels like everything needs to be done and done neatly and checked off for me to relax, but I know that with all of our sicknesses the common theme has just been fatigue and we've needed a lot of rest, so I know my priority needs to be just calming down and letting myself rest but there's a part of me that is just so opposed to giving myself permission to do that until I have all the i's dotted and t's crossed in every other area of my life! And I thought getting into college was supposed to be the hard part, why is my head still spinning with 'What if?'s about roommates and dorms and space and classes?"

So awesome thing #1 about my mom-She has major talent in the Deciphering Grace's Rants arena.

And awesome thing #2 about my mom-I'll go on a vent like that, she'll take a beat to let me catch my breath, and then she'll say something short and sweet that addresses every single part of it. In this case, it was, "I think often times we start to stress when we feel ourselves going downhill. Your body can feel you're going downhill." TRUE. STATEMENT. Made it all make sense to me, and helped me even more to give myself permission to stop stressing because I was in fact going to be down and out for a bit.

Today both Caroline and I had high fevers and were pretty much useless (up to today I've been trying to get up and do homework and clean as much as I can), and Mommy just took care of us on top of shuttling Matt and planning his birthday bash (since we had to cancel his due to him being sick) and who knows what else. She never once acted frustrated or stressed when we were complaining about how dead we felt, or asked her to bring us something to eat, or pitifully yelled out the latest temperature report to her.

Awesome thing #3 about my mom-You know my worries about college I mentioned earlier? Those aren't new, I've been having freak-outs about college since at least November. She always brings a voice of compassionate reason to my frantic thoughts. Over Thanksgiving break I had a midnight longer-than-usual near panic attack about things, and somehow she walked out of her room just as I was stumbling out of mine to go to the kitchen to find anything to do to keep me breathing. She sat up for at least an hour with me, re-researching all of the meal plans and dorm options with me, calming my entirely irrational fears.

The awesome things about her go on and on, some of them I'm not even comfortable sharing publicly (right now. . . . that'll be a deep post when/if it happens). But its getting late and I want to shower while I have a low enough fever to stand and see straight at the same time, so I'll wrap this up.

Most of my life I've clashed with my mom, but this school year we are growing so close. She's a fantastic listener. She listens to not just my words, but my heart. She has taught me respect through her actions. Man, she is the best at teaching by example. The more clearly I see her, as a person rather than just my mom, the more I think she's a saint. Mom, I'm sorry it took me this long to figure that out.

For all of you reading this and thinking, "Gosh, well THIS isn't the most generic post in the world," or "She's not telling the whole story, everyone has a bad side," I'll say, yes, my mom isn't perfect. I remember talking with one of my friend's moms in middle school and really trying to be diplomatic when she commented, "I just can't see your mom ever yelling." Oh boy, that was a mental eye-roll. Yes, my mom yells sometimes, she loses her temper, she gets tired and snappy. Hopefully she doesn't mind me spilling the beans. :)

But really, she's only a human doing something superhuman.

I challenge you to take a second look at your mom, as a person.

Grace


P.S.-And the flaws you see in this post are probably due to her not editing it with me, I wanted it to be a surprise. :)

Aiming and Arrows

In one of my classes last year I heard something that I've never forgotten:

"You can't see where or why people are aiming, only where they hit."

When you factor in that it was a church class that starts at 6 AM every school day, its all the more remarkable that I still remember it! So why do I?

The answer starts a year before I heard that statement. In an interview for a school leadership position, I had to answer a question that really got me thinking: "If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?" Seems simple enough, right?

I didn't grow up playing superhero or reading comic books, so my thinking was a bit out-of-the-box. If I REALLY could have one superpower, what would it be?? I can get by using cars and planes and--oh yeah--my feet to get around, so the power to fly didn't seem the most useful choice. And while invisibility would allow me to pull the best pranks in the history of forever, for the most part I like to be able to see and be seen. Reading people's thoughts? That was getting closer, but there are more telling things about a person than their thoughts.

Later that day Mom and I threw around some ideas, trying to find the right way to condense and say what superpower I wanted and why. I decided I wanted one that would help me understand people. Finally, we settled on a superpower that would allow me to read two things about people: their intentions and motivations. I wanted to read people's hearts.

Going back to the initial quote ("You can't see where or why people are aiming, only where they hit") intentions are whereone is aiming and motivations are why one is aiming. The actions caused by one's motivations and intentions land like arrows in my life and yours. If I come across an arrow in the woods, knowing it landed in a tree trunk wouldn't tell me if the shooter intended the arrow to go into the trunk, nor why he or she let go of the bow string in the first place. If I could have any superpower, it would be the power to see why and where people are aiming.

But alas, I cannot. I see so many people, including myself, get into embarrassing or hurtful--even devastating-- situations because somewhere along the line somebody forgot that where an arrows hits is only 1/3 of the equation. 

 Sometimes the people who hurt us don't even clearly see the targets.

Recognizing that I and others can only see where the arrow landed has been astronomically helpful in forgiving and deciding whether or not to take offense in the first place.

Here's an example. For the most part my school has amazing staff, from the janitors to the principal, but the financial secretary is infamous for being cranky and BOY what a stickler for rules! I have friends who dread going to see her. The first time I went to see her she lived up to her reputation, and as I walked away I asked myself, "Did I do anything to cause her grumpies?" The answer was no, so I let it go. Obviously, she has things going on in her own life and reasons for her attitude that don't involve me personally! Over the years I have had to interact with her on many occasions because of the leadership position I gained from the aforementioned interview. I have tried to be cheerful, thankful, and aware of the rules; she now generally treats me civilly, and has recently even started cracking jokes!

When I need forgiveness, I try to be very honest about what my intentions and motivations were while still acknowledging the damage my arrow caused. In forgiving others, half the battle is won if I don't jump to conclusions and if I accept that I do not know why or where the offender was aiming.

But I'll be honest: forgiving some people who have hurt me is proving to be more of a process than a single event. When I've been deeply hurt but don't know why the arrow hit me, giving the offender the benefit of the doubt does not necessarily take away the pain--in fact, it often intensifies the pain because I have to face what I'm feeling instead of hide behind a wall of defensive anger. Letting go of my desire to figure out the whys right now helps me manage the pain. Recognizing that stewing over why the person felt I deserved to be shot (or wasn't more careful about their aim) isn't the best use of my time. Ideally we find answers to all of the questions we deserve honest responses for, but this life is rarely ideal.

What do you think about this quote? If you have already come to a realization of similar sorts, how has it helped you? What superpower would you most like to have?

Being stubborn is a GREAT thing!

I’ll just come right out and say it, I don’t think there’s much point in hiding it! 

            I'm stubborn. I was born stubborn.  

            However, lest you think I never compromise and trample anyone in my way (Although from the title of this blog you already know I wouldn't do that!) I strongly believe that each of us are born with the character traits we are for a reason, and it is up to us to discover that reason and choose to use our gifts wisely. Yes, I believe my stubbornness is a gift. Consequently, I am very aware of how and when I let his trait show itself in my life.

            For example, I continue to drink hot chocolate even though I always somehow spill some on myself, because I believe that someday I should be able to drink hot chocolate and not wear it.

I will never lose a staring contest, and on any playing field, I love being the most spirited and hard-working person.

In the classroom, I can’t stand NOT understanding something! I will doggedly ask questions and work problems until the topic clicks, and in an argument, I have a hard time letting it go unresolved. Believe me, sometimes my stubbornness is the only thing that reminds me I need apologize and admit where I went wrong.

            On somewhat the same note, I hold onto my personal goals for how to have a strong marriage and lead a united family despite those who raise their eyebrows in a gesture of questioning how realistic they are when I talk about them.

 And speaking of, how do I handle those people who raise their eyebrows at my goals and dreams? I don’t give up on my belief that they do have good inside of them and are a person of worth, regardless of the choices they make or the short-sightedness or cynicism they have yet to overcome. I know I'm guilty of it too!

            When somebody is being spoken about negatively in my presence, I recognize I may not always be able to turn the entire conversation around, but if I know anything positive about the person being spoken of, I make a point of always saying it! And if I hear bad things being spoken about me, well, please refer back to what I said about the people who raise their eyebrows at my goals. Unless they're just outlandish things that anybody who knows me at all would know isn't true, then I get a good laugh too!

            Like any family, mine isn’t perfect and we don’t all get along (Even when we do have the best of intentions.). I try not to get discouraged as I try to improve as a daughter and sister through becoming better at service and humility, though.

            I am stubbornly loyal, and I not only recognize when my friends truly need me but will drop just about anything to be there for them, and I make sure they know I will do that.

            Through everything I stand for what I believe, even when I stand alone and I’ll be the first to I admit I have much to improve upon, but then I will follow that admittance up by trying my hardest to turn that “much” into “a little less than yesterday.”

            When hard times in life come my way, I grit my teeth momentarily, but then smile as I remind myself my happiness is my choice, everything happens for a reason, hard work pays off, and I can choose if I come out of the experience as a stronger or weaker person. I believe one of the best ways to keep myself becoming a stronger person is by remembering to look for anything and everything I can to be grateful for. 

           I am grateful I’m stubborn.

What qualities do you have that can be curses and/or gifts? Please leave a comment, I'd love to know! :)

In Need of a Re-start--An Examination of Happiness

I know what makes me happiest. Eight hours of sleep, tough exercise, good, whole, natural food, being productive, being in a clean environment, being creative, and having a good mix of play time and family time and me time. Savoring moments, getting ecstatic over little things, and being deeply grateful. Being on time and prepared for things. Playing outside, rain or shine.

Dagnabbit, why don't I do those things all the time?

I let little things get in the way. Little time-wasters that add up and keep from doing all of those things. I'll be honest, its mainly Facebook and texting this or that cute boy, with the occasional YouTube celebrity interview or hair tutorial binge. I've been letting those little things get in the way a lot lately. Awesome, I spent a half hour watching Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks resolve their forever-long feud on The Tyra Show last night, aaaand how did that enrich my life? Minimally. Very minimally. And in the meantime, I lost sleep.

Tonight, I want to make a commitment to myself  to "live after the manner of happiness". Do the things that make me happy, make happiness a conscious choice. Happiness is no accident, and it wouldn't be so precious if it was! I think when I'm working to be happy, rather than just living life, I feel more satisfied because I see the bigger picture and I know I'm taking care of myself.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm happier when I have clear goals to improve, goals that I can mark improvement in weekly or even daily. Goals that I truly want, not that others want for me. I love looking back and seeing how I've purposefully learned and grown. (Although its always good to look back and see how I've accidentally learned and grown, too.)

Now, am I under the illusion that I'll make this commitment tonight and wake up with sunshine in my soul tomorrow and never again will a metaphorical rain cloud cross my sky? Not at all! Happiness isn't a destination, its a journey. . . . . or whatever that cliche is. For now we'll assume I have it right! I just want to put choosing happiness on my conscious radar again.

And along my journey, I do believe that there can be moments of pure happiness. When I am happiest, I have the ability to enjoy the here and now regardless of what happened 10 minutes ago, or what could happen any minute now, or what I'm not ready for tomorrow. I can look around at my circumstances that moment and find deep joy in how lucky I am.

My life isn't perfect, my family isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. Beyond just not being perfect, there is hurt and pain in my life, my family, and myself. But this is not hell, so it isn't all hurt and pain. This is not heaven either, so it isn't all love and respect. This is life. I guess that's what life is; a crossroads between heaven and hell, and each of us gets to choose which direction we're headed in. Sometimes I get so caught up in how close to the hell side I am, that I don't see how easily I could head towards heaven again, or how I actually am much closer to heaven than hell. I don't sleep in dirt streets in a country with an unstable government and volatile economy. I'm not so close to starving that my stomach is so big I look pregnant. I was not forced to fight in a civil war before I was even a teenager. I won't have to find my next meal in a garbage can. Looking around me now, at my piano, fireplace, warm blanket, tissues, rocking chair, and pictures of my family, I'm almost left breathless at how blessed I am.

Yes, I've thrown notes from boys who broke my heart into that fireplace. Yes, I've sat at the piano for a long time letting the notes keep me company because I didn't have any other way to process my feelings. No, my family definitely isn't all smiles like we are in all the pictures.  But I have that fireplace, that piano, and my family. Doesn't that mean so much more in the big picture? And isn't it beautiful that if I can feel sadness so deeply, it must follow that I can feel happiness that deeply as well?

Well, what a wandering post this has been! Not my most polished by any means, but welcome to my raw thought process. What is your opinion on happiness? What is something that you know makes you happy but that you don't do enough? How would you like to resolve to choose happiness for often?

P.S.-Here's what got me in this mood-its a beautiful blog by a beautiful person referred to me by a beautiful friend! http://writingrainbows.blogspot.com/p/lovely-love-story.html?spref=fb and http://writingrainbows.blogspot.com/p/rare-chain-of-events.html Her hair tutorials are also great. :)

Why Confess?

Why go behind the scenes of the pretty picture that comes to mind when you see someone as a "Nice Girl"? Why share the day-to-day experience of being a nice girl and risk messing with that neat little picture?

1. About a year ago I was introduced to the Single Dad Laughing blog (http://www.danoah.com/). I already followed several family member's blogs, but I loved how SDL shared what fun thing he did over the weekend AND went way deeper. Waaaaay, way deeper. Dan posts about whatever is on his mind, silly or deep or upset or apologetic. He uses it to make the world a better place, share what is important to him, plant ideas, be real. I realized I really wanted to do the same thing, but couldn't find a theme or name I liked and was in over my head with my junior year of high school. Thus it was shunted back on my priority list.
2. A month ago at a Christmas party a few friends and I (these friends also are commonly labeled "nice girls" or "good girls") started talking about all the things people assume about us that aren't true! Filled with the festive merriment we were, we began scheming that we'd write a book called Confessions of a Nice Girl and then build a brand empire of TV shows and clothing! Through the laughter I realized that nice girls get into a lot of the same situations, so why don't we get together and help support each other more often?
3. Over Christmas Break I watched an episode of America's Next Top Model where the models had to pick the word people had called them that hurt them most. Naturally that got me thinking about what word I would've chosen. My word? Fake. I am not perfect, but it makes me so sad that there are people who just don't understand that there really are people in the world who are genuinely happy, nice, and want do the right thing! Or, who view nice people as a threat. :(

Within the next 24 hours my subconscious had merged all three experiences into this, my opportunity to let you into a nice girl's head! Ready for an adventure? I am! :)

XOXO,
Grace

OH NO!!!

Oh no!

Turns out the draft page on blogger is not not like the draft page on my Gmail. . .the draft page on blogger includes what I've already posted. So when I clear out my draft box I delete everything I have or haven't posted. *facepalm*

 Lesson learned!