Confessions

1. My nose wiggles when I eat.
2. I hate when people say "YOLO".
3. Wet paper makes me gag.
4. I can want to believe a promise someone's making until they make it a timeless promise with a phrase like "with my life" or "as long as the sun rises" or "I'll never [fill in the blank]". Then I'm out. Know your limitations.
5. Sparkles legitimately do distract me.
6. Somehow, playing the piano feels like eating a great chocolate cake to me a lot of the time.
7. I haven't played the piano all semester.
8. I am wonderful at cleaning and terrible at maintaining it for any amount of time.
9. I tend towards being an all-or-nothing person.
10. I love Jack's "Rose, you're no picnic, all right? You're a spoiled little brat, even. . ." speech in Titanic.
11. I really love Titanic.
12. I analyze people's body proportions and facial features. Like, all the time. Its a hobby.
13. I am constantly thinking. And I tend to think about things to death. And if I don't, it probably means I actually NEED to think about them.
14. I feel like yelling a lot more than I ever do.
15. I heavily filter pretty much everything I say.
16. I can be honest to a fault, and sometimes too late.
17. Chipped nail polish drives me crazy.
18. At my core I am probably the most idealistic person you have ever met.
19. Writing this I'm afraid I'm coming across like a 12-year old (there is nothing wrong with 12-year olds besides the fact that I'm not one, as a disclaimer), but I feel they're things I need to say.
20. I've struggled with an Eating Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified. (Most people have never heard of it. Look it up in the DSM-IV.)
21. I write when my brain is too full. Therefore, I probably pretty much always sound like a manic person on this blog. I promise I'm not!
22. I never really felt like I fit in in high school. At church and Miss Hometown? Yes. But not at school.
23. I have PMS-Pissed at Men Syndrome. But I know you guys are amazing and so many of you try so hard and don't deserve that, so please know I am working hard to get through it.
24. I don't like guys to tell me I'm pretty, especially right off the bat. I'd much rather be shown you think I'm a worthwhile, interesting, intelligent, dynamic human being than be told I'm pretty. So thanks in advance. :)
25. I LOVE people. Like, to a socially unacceptable extent. It would majorly weird people out if I genuinely told people all the good I see in them and how much I love them and how happy I am that they exist.
26. I made my first chocolate bundt cake yesterday, on a whim.
27. Blogger doesn't recognize bundt as a word.
28. I miss driving a lot.
29. In the past calender year I've really begun to learn what its like to really depend on Christ as my friend and Heavenly Father as my loving, involved, forgiving parent.
30. These days I let my age hold me back more than anyone else holds me back for my age.
31. I love Jillian Michaels.
32. I only KIND OF understand the usefulness of iPads. I'm getting there.
33. Every single thing in Taylor Swift's Fearless CD prologue I have experienced. Except for starting high school at fifteen. I did that at thirteen.
34. The strongest love I've been in I fell into when I was twelve years old.
35. Everyone's capacity to love is different and it changes as life continues. Just because being in love wouldn't look the same for me now as it did then doesn't mean what I felt then wasn't love.
36. Clicky EXPO markers-you know, the kind that don't have a cap and you just click them?-are SO. AWESOME.
37. Eating goldfish crackers gives me hiccups.
38. I've always preferred even numbers. But I kind of like prime numbers too.
39. I have a terrible memory for details. I remember things by emotion.
40. My thought processes are like a giant spider web.
41. I prefer music to be so loud I can feel it. You know what I mean!
42. I'm jealous of people who go to concerts.
43. Komodo dragons fascinate me.
44. Ewoks are definitely my favorite fictional creature. Sorry, unicorns.
45. It really annoys me when people hate on things just because they're super popular. Be able to intelligently articulate why you don't like something, please.
46. I've never come across a roller coaster that was too intense for me. X2 at Magic Mountain almost made me cry with how amazing it was, though.
47. My family is not sporty, at all. I really wish I knew more about the sports world, and thank heavens my roommate Meghan is the most sport-knowledgeable female I have ever met!
48. Everyone thinks I'd be that girl who LOVES Glee. The precise reasons people think I'd love it are actually the reasons I find it highly distasteful.
49. Every guy I was genuinely attracted to in the Netherlands was gay. Whaaat???
50. I'm a chocolate and fruit snob. I know my good chocolate and fruit.
51. I have very mixed feelings about big families.
52. I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is Christ's restored church here on earth. I KNOW that.
53. I far prefer sunrises to sunsets. Sunsets just make me think of all the things that day I've lost or done wrong and won't ever get back, but sunrises remind me that today is a new day and no matter what goes wonderfully wrong or wonderfully terrible today, there will still be another one tomorrow.
54. I hate being in unclear water that's too deep for my feet to touch the bottom and head to be above water at the same time.
55. I honestly don't think I'm cut out for surfing.
56. I broke somebody's heart recently. And I miss him a lot even though I don't for a second regret my decision.
57. My mom and I are pretty much opposites. . . except physically we're the most alike in the family.
58. People with irrational fears that socially inhibit them really annoy me.
59. http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/worthless-women-and-men-who-make-them.html/4
http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/disease-called-perfection.html
If my blog EVER makes as much of an impact as these two posts have. . . . .
60. Here's my political thought process-there are things in both parties I don't know or understand, but there are things in my own life that I do know and understand. One of them is family first, and that I believe that ultimately it will be the family break down that ruins society. So I choose to support the party that tries to uphold the most sacred familial rights I believe in.
61. I love pink. And blue. And yellow. The power of red fascinates me as well as the symbolism of green and white.
62. Every time I go to the temple I feel like my spirit is going home. Because it is.
63. One of the best decisions of my life, taken from parents, is to have someone take notes or if possible record and then transcribe every Priesthood blessing I get.
64. I'm really afraid of being bossy becaussse that's what I was when I was little.
65. The word people have called me that has hurt the most is "fake".
66. Eyelash extensions are my beauty addiction.
67. I've never had a pedicure.
68. I have no idea how or when to finish this post.
69. When I go back home or before important events I'll still go out to the back hidden corner of my yard where my first dog is buried and tear up a little.
70. I'm the shortest person in my family.
71. I love mornings, but I also love staying up late.
72. I have terrible knees and feet.
73. Someday, I am going to dye my hair brown. Someday.
74. I had a high school bucket list, and now have a college and life bucket list.
75. I know I am good at saying sorry.
76. Sometimes as the middle child I do feel looked over. But there are also some great perks to being the middle child. I get to learn from my older siblings and still teach my younger siblings!
77. There are still days I feel like purging, but it doesn't scare me. I know that demon well enough that I can roll my eyes and tackle it every time. It only emotionally gets to me when its really constant.
78. I know there are angels always around us, always around me.
79.  I know who I am and that I am loved, a lot, but man have I got to fight to remember it.
80. I love my hair, my eyes, my smile, and my cheekbones.
81. I have extremely unique hands.
82. I have read A LOT of books on marriage and parenting.
83. I don't know when or how to end this.
84. Sunshine and my summer is my natural state of being. Truly.
85. I enjoy getting really excited over little things.
86. I LOVE nice people!!
87. Yes, performing makes me super nervous. But I do it anyway because I absolutely love it and I know that as soon as I step out on the that stage aaaaall of the nerves will be totally worth it.
88. I like to push boundaries, and always have. I believe in calculated rebellion.
89. I miss Mexican food a lot. And I love steak and cheesecake.
90. The right sharpness of cheddar cheese always gives me major flashbacks to the house I lived in from when I was 1 to 3 years old, and I have no clue why.
91. Pessimistic people seriously get on my nerves.
92. I smile a lot because I genuinely mean it, but I recently discovered I also sometimes automatically smile when something upsets me.
93. Smiles have a power that I strongly believe in.
94. I love being sore.
95. Hot chocolate makes me sleepy.
96. What's the problem with eating whipped cream right out of the can as long as your mouth doesn't touch the spout?
97. I really adore footie pajamas.
98. I am a very messy eater. I try really hard not to be in the right situations, though.
99. Salty or sweet? Both, please! Preferably with some protein or fat thrown in as well!

Brave Enough to be Raw, Happy Enough to be Unhappy

In love. With friends. With parents. Right now there are so many situations where I'm either trying to find the courage to be raw and vulnerable, or looking back and wishing I had been more open and less afraid. Why is it so hard to stand up and say, "I'm struggling. I have struggled. This scares me. I'm afraid you'll hurt me. I'm afraid I'm not good enough. I don't think I can do this."?

I saw people in ASB (my high school's student council) as always being put together, yet nobody dusted me with some magical glitter and gave me the power to juggle school, fitness, friends, family, and hobbies when I joined my sophomore year. If somebody sees a crown and sash on a girl, it is automatically assumed she must be beautiful, yet even after I won the honor of being the Queen of my hometown, there were times I did not think I was beautiful. Or times when I looked in the mirror, saw that I was, and yet that still didn't fix whatever I was currently struggling with in my personal life.

In the various closing ceremonies of my year in ASB and my year as Miss [Hometown], it was interesting for me to note all that wasn't said. Sure being stressed was mentioned, but was anybody really honest about the number of tears they cried because of this project or that chastising of a stressed out co-chair? For example, I absolutely loved rehearsals for my outgoing Pageant, but there were times I cried in the car to and from rehearsal because I had no idea how I was going to get everything for the Pageant done and study for AP tests. There are a lot of social dynamics in ASB nobody ever seems to talk about; we all love each other, but there is a lot of gossiping that goes on. I can't say how many times I've wanted to turn around and ask, "So, what do you guys say about me behind my back?" As a leadership team you have to be honest about each others' strengths and weaknesses, but where is the line between being negative out of necessity and being vicious? I love my fellow teammates, but how was I supposed to connect with them when I didn't feel like I was on safe ground with a lot of them? Or that our priorities were entirely different outside of the class?

Often times the things in my life that people seem to look at and say, "Oh wow, that's so great! You're so lucky!" come with their own set of challenges, and the fact that everyone else thinks its so easy makes it even harder. I am so grateful for all of those things in my life, it is great and I am lucky, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is that everyone struggles and things are often not as one-sided as humans seem to automatically make them. Human beings are human beings, regardless of whether they're running for president or running away from being a pauper.

Now, do not think I'm trying to throw a pity party here. I'm not! Most people who know me say I'm a pretty happy person, and I am. I make a point of being so. I like being happy! When people say, "Oh Grace, you're such an optimistic person!" I say, "Thanks! I am because I have to be, believe me." I am not one of those people that is just naturally happy all the time, biologically I'm actually prone to depression.

But you know what my secret to being happy is? I allow myself to not be. That's my second point. I do everything I know how to be happy--thinking positively, being kind to others, exercising, taking care of my body and surroundings, doing my prayer and scripture study and actively working to make Christ a part of my life, gratitude--but when those things aren't working, I thoroughly believe in "scheduling depressions". Runs to ticked-off music, days where I just lay in bed and catch up on TV shows, once in a while too much chocolate and popcorn, watching a movie with the express purpose that it will open the floodgates and let me cry, journal entries where I throw out all rationalizations of why I shouldn't be upset with this person or sad about that event, and just let myself feel the negative stuff. And as I've learned to, in feeling the negative things, hand them over to Christ, it works even better. He understands I am human and can only bear so much, He has always known that. Sometimes He helps heal my heart in the moment, but sometimes He just comes and bears my burdens with me, and that is enough.

Through my hard times my ability to be grateful for the good times grows. My ability to empathize with and feel compassion towards others deepens. My faith in Christ is strengthened. Heavenly Father proves to me that I am stronger than I ever imagined.

Isn't that something to be happy about? I don't always feel so in the moment, but I trust that it is enough to be able to put the guilt that I'm not currently happy aside and let myself feel.


P.S.-Sincere thanks to all the people in my life who I know I'm safe feeling anything around, particularly those who have been safe havens for me the past few weeks-Mom, Dad, Eliza, Meghan, Alana, and Beth.

Want to tick me off? Tell me life gets harder.

I noticed something today. It ticks me off when people say "Life is only going to get harder."

 And as is usual when something new comes my way, I begin to examine it and ask questions. 

And one question particularly struck me.

Why is that people always seems to say, "Life's only going to get harder?" at the exact moment when I'm feeling completely inadequate for what life is currently giving me?

WHY?

Because you know what it feels like you're telling me? 

"You're screwed. If you can't handle what you've got now you might as well throw in the towel. You're just going to keep failing, and failing bigger."

Which no sane person would ever say to someone who's currently feeling wholly inadequate for the tasks at hand.

So why do people say "Life's only going to get harder?" People who I know love me and are trying to help?

Then a light bulb moment came. Its because they're missing half the point. Life's going to get harder, but I'm going to get stronger. I'm going to get better at trusting God. My faith will get better at overcoming my fear.

Life has gotten harder, but I have gotten stronger, and everything that goes along with that. I've been more hurt, I've felt more joy, I've carried more burdens and felt more carefree. 

So tell me life's hard. Tell me it will get harder. But remind me I'm strong enough, and will get stronger.

And if you choose to just say, "Life's going to get harder," you'd better believe I'll complete the thought for you.

Because I know you love me, and don't mean to say just say,
"Life gets harder."

Life gets harder, but I get stronger. 

Happier

Wiser

More compassionate

More able to understand others

More able to help more people

Smarter

More grateful.

More loving.

More faithful

Because I'm also going to keep getting more determined to let anything but the above happen.

Tell me that.

An off day in a not-so-positive direction, but not bad either

So as I'm starting my makeup this morning I see that I have a missed call from Aloe (one of my roommates). Well, she told me the bus I take to school wasn't running because of construction or something like that, so that threw my whole morning off. I was feeling off anyways; I've had some heavy personal stuff on my mind since last night, and homesickness as hit me the past few weeks more than usual.

I barely had enough cash to pay for a shuttle fare, and felt kind of out of place, wishing I had gotten the shuttle pass instead of the bus pass simply because the atmospheres are so different (the shuttle's is friendlier and more comradely). Renee, a girl in my ward and building who I've had some good conversations with, sat by me and said hello and we talked briefly about the weather-cliché I know-but the point is she was nice.  David, one of my home evening brothers, said hello as he got on, but I was mostly just in myself, staring off at nothing. After getting off the bus, David was like, "Hey Grace! How are ya?" and we talked as we walked to class. He put in his mission papers last night! That made me smile from the inside out.  We talked about how well he did on his mission prep mid term and how great my Book of Mormon teacher is. Someone else in our ward, Jordan, joined us and once David left Jordan and I talked briefly and then all of a sudden my wonderful neighbor Janalee was saying hello!

We talked about how its been hard for her the past few weeks, with so many amazing girls putting in their papers and her wanting to go but feeling she should wait at least until May. That triggered my sympathy, because aspects of the missionary age change and not knowing where I'm supposed to point my life has been rough for me too. I was grateful she shared that with me, even though it was a 2 minute conversation with people streaming past both ways. It reminded me that I'm not the only one having direction issues, and that if she's as wonderful and pure a girl as she is and still doesn't have clear answers, maybe there isn't something wrong with me that I don't either.

I got to jazz class and realized this morning that instead of grabbing my black workout shorts, I'd grabbed a black shirt.  I'd already taken my observation day out of necessity and even though we're only allowed 2 absences without it affecting our grade, I can't do piques with jeans on! So I went to the library to catch up on Psych reading, but half an hour in the urge to fall asleep was so strong I decided to take an early lunch. Unfortunately, there just barely wasn't enough time to grab a power nap!

Strangers have gone out of their way to hold the door open for me, complimented me on the color I'm wearing, and invited me to eat lunch with them (unfortunately I had class, so I had to decline). No one's been mean or inconsiderate towards me. I'm still feeling off.

 I've called both my parents and two of my best friends just to tell them I love them and that they're great, held the door open for others, and smiled at strangers. I've thought about how blessed I am to be here at this college, and that I'm double blessed that being here is one of life-long dreams. I consider the annoyance with having to take my sweatshirt on and off an extremely minor annoyance. I'm still feeling off.

I got right about 8 hours of sleep last night after a good 1 1/2 of cardio and abs, have had enough to eat, and am pretty much caught up in classes. I'm still feeling off.

 I'm still feeling off. Not bad, and I wouldn't call it a bad day, but an off day in not-a-positive direction. (Because sometimes, I have off days that are awesome!)

So it is what it is. I'll start paying attention to my psychology professor, keep being nice, keep being productive, keep praying and trying to be aware of the Holy Ghost, and stay open to all of the good out there for me, and all the good already around me.  For anyone else out there having a weird day, its not always your fault, and that's okay. It happens. I bet that when we're back into our swing, we'll both appreciate it even more.  :)

Loosen Up!

Can you say, revaaaamp! Those of you who were with me "back in the day" (Translation-this spring. Ha.) know that I've changed some things around on this blog. Sometimes, I just like to shake things up. But this time, I have a more substantial reason!

To be honest, I have thought about this blog constantly since March. I go through phases where post ideas are just constantly running through my head, and I jot them down, and start writing posts in my head, and sometimes I even get to drafting them, and then. . . . I chicken out. I get frustrated. I'm not sure if it fits with my ultimate vision. So I decided to change the vision.

I hope this comes across as more down to earth! I want to be able to write about anything I want to, whether its a quick thought, I'm-so-blessed ramble, or serious, composed true confession, and feel like it still fits into some overarching theme. The only theme that all of those things fit under is. . . .me? So that's what this blog will be about now, instead of feeling like I have to tie everything back to the pros and cons of being a "nice girl". I'm hoping that as I just write what I'm passionate about and what I want you to read, some motifs will appear that I can turn into brand-able themes! Bear with me?

For now, I have a jazz dance test to practice for and a Book of Mormon paper to write. But I can't WAIT to share all of these ideas I've had spinning around in my head for months! What are some of these things you ask? Oh, I don't know. . . .keeping my room clean, the word "date",  the spotlight, openness to change, eating issues/addiction, learning styles, Christ, family, honesty vs. truth, bacon chocolate chip cookies (nope, I didn't forget a comma there), boys, girls, being transparent with other people, pearls, politics, neon,  perfectionism, projections of our internal realities, social pressure to NOT be beautiful. . . .nothing serious. Everything serious. In the words of my favorite shrunken head, "It's gonna be a bumpy ride!" (10 points to whomever can post in the comments what the reference is first! And I already gave you a hint. ;) )

P.S.-Yes, that list was a commitment. I will do post on every single one of those topics, so if an item didn't make sense to you? Don't worry! It will!

Chocolate chocolate chocolate!!!! Truffles :)

There will probably be many more posts with this title.


Because I LOVE CHOCOLATE.


I thought, as an apology gift for not posting in a while, I'd give my readers my favorite, fastest, rich chocolate recipe!


Chocolate Truffles
Makes 40 truffles
1 (8-oz.) package fat-free cream cheese, at room temperature
4 cups confectioners' sugar
3/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp. vanilla
Cocoa powder (optional) 
Crushed nuts (optional)

Combine cream cheese, sugar, cocoa powder and extract in a bowl; freeze mixture 30-60 minutes. Remove from freezer and form into 1" balls; roll in cocoa powder, if desired. Freeze 30 minutes or until firm.
(Per serving: 60 calories, 1 gram fat)

P.S.-I've found you can form them and then freeze them, if the cream cheese is the right temperature. :)

 ENJOY!

Intro to this Nice Girl in 5's

Y'know those "Who Am I?" English projects in school? I'm never satisfied with those. Who can put who they are onto a poster? Or a poem? Oh well, this time its MY rubric; I'm giving you an Introduction to this Nice Girl in 5's. :) Yeah yeah, I know I should've done this earlier. . . .oh well! In no particular order. . . . (And note-for your sakes, I limited all of these categories to 5. For some of them the actual list is much longer!)

Hobbies
1. Singing
2. Playing piano
3. Cooking
4. Exercising
5. Blogging

Physical characteristics
1. Blonde hair
2. Blue eyes
3. I tan easily
4. Strong legs
5. A dimple in my right cheek

Groups I'm involved with
1. My high school's Associated Student Body (our fancy name for student council or leadership class, a.k.a. ASB)
2. My town's Scholarship Pageant (I am the current reigning queen)
3. LDS youth group
4. LDS ward choir
5. Ready to Learn Peer Mentoring

This year's school schedule
1. LDS Seminary
2. AP Lit & Lang
3. AP Stats
4. AP Gov
5. ASB

Other things I enjoy doing with my time
1. Sleeping
2. Cleaning
3. Soaking up sunshine
4. Babysitting
5. Writing missionaries

Songs I can play on the piano
1. For Good from Wicked
2. I'm Not That Girl from Wicked
3. As the Last Leaf Falls by David Lanz
4. You're Not Sorry by Taylor Swift
5. A whole buncha hymns

Songs I love
1. Every Time I Hear Your Name by Keith Anderson
2. Love Is Everything by K.D. Lang
3. I Get Along Without You Very Well (its a standard, but my favorite version is by Matt Monro)
4. The Guy That Says Goodbye To You Is Out of His Mind by Griffin House
5. Not Like the Movies by Katy Perry

Songs that describe me
1. Full Grown Woman by Sarah Buxton
2. Best Days of Your Life by Kellie Pickler
3. What I Cannot Change by Leann Rimes
4. Wild Horses by Natasha Bedingfield
5. Outside My Window by Sarah Buxton

Favorites colors
1. White
2. Blue
3. Yellow
4. Cream
5. Pink

Pet peeves
1. Wet paper
2. When girls don't know how to walk in high heals but wear them anyways (The higher the heel the more you need to involve your core.)
3. Not matching black and brown or white and cream together correctly
4. Unnatural colored hair (98% of the time, the other 2% its streaks and it works on the person)
5. Shorts-shorts with Uggs and/or a big poofy jacket. Really?!!

Favorites styles
1. High heels
2. Flowy shirts
3. Knee-length skirts
4. Sparkly!
5. Bright colors

Favorite Genres
1. Country
2. Acoustic stuff/singer/songwriter
3. Dance music
4. Pop
5. Broadway

Fears
1. Losing my relationship with God
2. Coming across as fake
3. Being prejudiced against
4. Not knowing about unspoken rules in new settings
5. Things that can't be undone

Favorites foods
1. Fresh-picked, organic, home-grown anything
2. Rich foods-cheese, cheesecake, peanut butter, etc
3. Sweet and salty foods (chocolate covered pretzels are the best!)
4. Root Beer floats (or anything sweet. . . I have a major sweet tooth)
5. Freshly-baked bread

Least favorites foods
1. I've learned I can like anything if its prepared correctly! So we'll change this category to. . .

Not every-day foods I've had
1. Reindeer
2. Calamari
3. Octopus
4. Cow liver
5.Caviar
Still waiting to have Escargot. . . .

Random things about me
1. When I was little, my hair stuck straight up. All of it. Until it was about 2 inches long.
2. I didn't know what stranger anxiety was as a child. I would talk with anyone, anywhere, anytime. (Although if you know me, that's not actually surprising.)
3. I didn't play with dolls when I was little. I put whatever my favorite CD was currently into the boombox and sang and made up routines and blocking!
4. I have random freckles scattered all over my body.
5. I've always had a things for older guys.

Is there anything you're dying to know about me that isn't on here? :)

Blue Jaguars and Eyebrows--My first Beauty Blog Post!

If someone gave me a blue Jaguar convertible, I'd do my best to take care of it! Keep it clean and shiny inside and out, take it in for check-ups, drive responsibly, and not make a habit of flaunting it around South Bronx. I believe my body is a gift as well, so I think it's important to take care of it and try to present it in the best way I can! Here's another reason why taking care of your body is important:

“Your clothing expresses who you are. It sends messages about you, and it influences the way you and others act. When you are well groomed and modestly dressed, you can. . . exercise a good influence on those around you” (True to the Faith, 107).

I see "misguided" beauty, fashion, and health choices all the time and they drive me crazy! I don't think some people are fully aware of the message they're sending as a result of being misinformed. Yet as a nice girl, I tend not to point them out. One of the things I want to do on this blog is talk about how to avoid my pet peeves in beauty, fashion, and health!

 I'll start with something simple but that makes a huge difference--eyebrows! If I'm running out the door and only have 2 minutes to do my make up, brushing and filling in my eyebrows is always one of the things I do. Eyebrows frame your face and are a key factor in how the rest of your facial bone structure looks. They also have a huge impact on your eyes, and since the eyes are the window to the soul you want them to have a nice frame!

Look at the difference the two different types of eyebrows make here:

(Thank you Photoshop!)

They are very different, even though these are both decently-shaped eyebrows! Neither are too thin or thick for her face, but they emphasize different aspects of her face and give off different feels. The thicker eyebrows bring out her strong jaw and bring attention to the eyes, while the thinner eyebrows make her features look more delicate and her eyes almost overpower her eyebrows.

Everyone's eyebrows are different, but whether yours are thick, thin, straight, really arched, curved, dark, or light, they are that way for a reason! So the best piece of advice I can give is to work with what you have. Please don't just shave them and draw them back on. Here are the three basic things you need to pay attention to:

1. Thickness
If you have thin brows, you may want to do some filling in with eyebrow pencil, but never go for the Brooke Shields look; it likely won't work on your face, however gorgeous it is on her!

If you have thick brows, please pluck--but not too much! I have made the mistake of over-plucking my eyebrows before and it made my face look heavier and rounder. :o Never doing that again!

 Who ever thought eyebrows like this are cute?

2. Shape
How much of an arch do you have? Even if you don't have a lot, through good shaping you can get the appearance of some. Yet did you notice Natalie Portman's eyebrows in Thor?

 They looked amazing totally straight! Don't be afraid to rock straight eyebrows!

If you do have an arch, awesome. Yet be careful about over-emphasizing the arches because you don't want to look comical. Personally, I can tell when I'm over-emphasizing my arches via shaping or penciling because they make my face look harsher and less natural.
Here's a good tutorial video on how to shape your eyebrows:

 

http://www.blushingbasics.com/2010/06/brow-know-how.html
P.S.-I just love this blog period. :)

If you have an early arch, just please avoid this look at all costs.

3. Color
Whether you use an eyebrow pencil or eyeshadow with an angled brush to shape or fill in your eyebrows, its worth the effort to find one that matches the color of your natural eyebrows! If you're a natural blonde with very pale eyebrows, this one's tricky. If you have white-blonde hair to match, leave them be. But if there are any darker tones in your hair, if you can find a pencil that matches that tone to use on your eyebrows it will look the most natural. And you don't need any expensive brands, the eyebrow pencil I use was like $2 from K-Mart.
If you dye your hair a different hair color, regardless of how good the dye job is, having your eyebrows your natural color will be a DEAD giveaway your hair isn't its natural color. If you can't find a pencil color that looks natural, ask your hairdresser to dye your eyebrows, too.


Happy shaping, penciling, filling in, etc!
Grace

My Mom is amazing.

Considering everyone in my household has been sick a minimum of once within the past month and a half its a miracle I haven't gotten sick until now. Poor little Caroline is on her third round! But want in on a secret? I've actually been hoping to get sick sooner rather than later (I knew it was highly improbable that it would all together miss me.) because now is a convenient time--as far as sickness ever being convenient goes--and there are a lot of inconvenient times coming up: pageant season, and right after that AP tests, and then *gasp* graduation and my last summer before college.

The first night I started to feel really bad was the night before my first day going back to school from a 3-day weekend. I ranted to Mom, "I know I understand this Stats but I can't think clearly enough to finish the homework and I don't want to do terribly on the test because I just can't think straight and there are quizzes in Gov tomorrow I haven't done the reading for and at the end of the day I know grades don't really matter anymore, I don't need to be concerned unless I'm getting lower than B's, and something that's been really great about this year and having grades not matter is that I've really been able to focus on enjoying learning and having what I've learned be my self-imposed measure because I want to learn rather than just freaking about grades 24/7, and I'm into BYU so I don't even have to worry about being wait-listed, but the perfectionist side of me is still just freaking out and feels like everything needs to be done and done neatly and checked off for me to relax, but I know that with all of our sicknesses the common theme has just been fatigue and we've needed a lot of rest, so I know my priority needs to be just calming down and letting myself rest but there's a part of me that is just so opposed to giving myself permission to do that until I have all the i's dotted and t's crossed in every other area of my life! And I thought getting into college was supposed to be the hard part, why is my head still spinning with 'What if?'s about roommates and dorms and space and classes?"

So awesome thing #1 about my mom-She has major talent in the Deciphering Grace's Rants arena.

And awesome thing #2 about my mom-I'll go on a vent like that, she'll take a beat to let me catch my breath, and then she'll say something short and sweet that addresses every single part of it. In this case, it was, "I think often times we start to stress when we feel ourselves going downhill. Your body can feel you're going downhill." TRUE. STATEMENT. Made it all make sense to me, and helped me even more to give myself permission to stop stressing because I was in fact going to be down and out for a bit.

Today both Caroline and I had high fevers and were pretty much useless (up to today I've been trying to get up and do homework and clean as much as I can), and Mommy just took care of us on top of shuttling Matt and planning his birthday bash (since we had to cancel his due to him being sick) and who knows what else. She never once acted frustrated or stressed when we were complaining about how dead we felt, or asked her to bring us something to eat, or pitifully yelled out the latest temperature report to her.

Awesome thing #3 about my mom-You know my worries about college I mentioned earlier? Those aren't new, I've been having freak-outs about college since at least November. She always brings a voice of compassionate reason to my frantic thoughts. Over Thanksgiving break I had a midnight longer-than-usual near panic attack about things, and somehow she walked out of her room just as I was stumbling out of mine to go to the kitchen to find anything to do to keep me breathing. She sat up for at least an hour with me, re-researching all of the meal plans and dorm options with me, calming my entirely irrational fears.

The awesome things about her go on and on, some of them I'm not even comfortable sharing publicly (right now. . . . that'll be a deep post when/if it happens). But its getting late and I want to shower while I have a low enough fever to stand and see straight at the same time, so I'll wrap this up.

Most of my life I've clashed with my mom, but this school year we are growing so close. She's a fantastic listener. She listens to not just my words, but my heart. She has taught me respect through her actions. Man, she is the best at teaching by example. The more clearly I see her, as a person rather than just my mom, the more I think she's a saint. Mom, I'm sorry it took me this long to figure that out.

For all of you reading this and thinking, "Gosh, well THIS isn't the most generic post in the world," or "She's not telling the whole story, everyone has a bad side," I'll say, yes, my mom isn't perfect. I remember talking with one of my friend's moms in middle school and really trying to be diplomatic when she commented, "I just can't see your mom ever yelling." Oh boy, that was a mental eye-roll. Yes, my mom yells sometimes, she loses her temper, she gets tired and snappy. Hopefully she doesn't mind me spilling the beans. :)

But really, she's only a human doing something superhuman.

I challenge you to take a second look at your mom, as a person.

Grace


P.S.-And the flaws you see in this post are probably due to her not editing it with me, I wanted it to be a surprise. :)

Aiming and Arrows

In one of my classes last year I heard something that I've never forgotten:

"You can't see where or why people are aiming, only where they hit."

When you factor in that it was a church class that starts at 6 AM every school day, its all the more remarkable that I still remember it! So why do I?

The answer starts a year before I heard that statement. In an interview for a school leadership position, I had to answer a question that really got me thinking: "If you could have any superpower, what would it be and why?" Seems simple enough, right?

I didn't grow up playing superhero or reading comic books, so my thinking was a bit out-of-the-box. If I REALLY could have one superpower, what would it be?? I can get by using cars and planes and--oh yeah--my feet to get around, so the power to fly didn't seem the most useful choice. And while invisibility would allow me to pull the best pranks in the history of forever, for the most part I like to be able to see and be seen. Reading people's thoughts? That was getting closer, but there are more telling things about a person than their thoughts.

Later that day Mom and I threw around some ideas, trying to find the right way to condense and say what superpower I wanted and why. I decided I wanted one that would help me understand people. Finally, we settled on a superpower that would allow me to read two things about people: their intentions and motivations. I wanted to read people's hearts.

Going back to the initial quote ("You can't see where or why people are aiming, only where they hit") intentions are whereone is aiming and motivations are why one is aiming. The actions caused by one's motivations and intentions land like arrows in my life and yours. If I come across an arrow in the woods, knowing it landed in a tree trunk wouldn't tell me if the shooter intended the arrow to go into the trunk, nor why he or she let go of the bow string in the first place. If I could have any superpower, it would be the power to see why and where people are aiming.

But alas, I cannot. I see so many people, including myself, get into embarrassing or hurtful--even devastating-- situations because somewhere along the line somebody forgot that where an arrows hits is only 1/3 of the equation. 

 Sometimes the people who hurt us don't even clearly see the targets.

Recognizing that I and others can only see where the arrow landed has been astronomically helpful in forgiving and deciding whether or not to take offense in the first place.

Here's an example. For the most part my school has amazing staff, from the janitors to the principal, but the financial secretary is infamous for being cranky and BOY what a stickler for rules! I have friends who dread going to see her. The first time I went to see her she lived up to her reputation, and as I walked away I asked myself, "Did I do anything to cause her grumpies?" The answer was no, so I let it go. Obviously, she has things going on in her own life and reasons for her attitude that don't involve me personally! Over the years I have had to interact with her on many occasions because of the leadership position I gained from the aforementioned interview. I have tried to be cheerful, thankful, and aware of the rules; she now generally treats me civilly, and has recently even started cracking jokes!

When I need forgiveness, I try to be very honest about what my intentions and motivations were while still acknowledging the damage my arrow caused. In forgiving others, half the battle is won if I don't jump to conclusions and if I accept that I do not know why or where the offender was aiming.

But I'll be honest: forgiving some people who have hurt me is proving to be more of a process than a single event. When I've been deeply hurt but don't know why the arrow hit me, giving the offender the benefit of the doubt does not necessarily take away the pain--in fact, it often intensifies the pain because I have to face what I'm feeling instead of hide behind a wall of defensive anger. Letting go of my desire to figure out the whys right now helps me manage the pain. Recognizing that stewing over why the person felt I deserved to be shot (or wasn't more careful about their aim) isn't the best use of my time. Ideally we find answers to all of the questions we deserve honest responses for, but this life is rarely ideal.

What do you think about this quote? If you have already come to a realization of similar sorts, how has it helped you? What superpower would you most like to have?

Being stubborn is a GREAT thing!

I’ll just come right out and say it, I don’t think there’s much point in hiding it! 

            I'm stubborn. I was born stubborn.  

            However, lest you think I never compromise and trample anyone in my way (Although from the title of this blog you already know I wouldn't do that!) I strongly believe that each of us are born with the character traits we are for a reason, and it is up to us to discover that reason and choose to use our gifts wisely. Yes, I believe my stubbornness is a gift. Consequently, I am very aware of how and when I let his trait show itself in my life.

            For example, I continue to drink hot chocolate even though I always somehow spill some on myself, because I believe that someday I should be able to drink hot chocolate and not wear it.

I will never lose a staring contest, and on any playing field, I love being the most spirited and hard-working person.

In the classroom, I can’t stand NOT understanding something! I will doggedly ask questions and work problems until the topic clicks, and in an argument, I have a hard time letting it go unresolved. Believe me, sometimes my stubbornness is the only thing that reminds me I need apologize and admit where I went wrong.

            On somewhat the same note, I hold onto my personal goals for how to have a strong marriage and lead a united family despite those who raise their eyebrows in a gesture of questioning how realistic they are when I talk about them.

 And speaking of, how do I handle those people who raise their eyebrows at my goals and dreams? I don’t give up on my belief that they do have good inside of them and are a person of worth, regardless of the choices they make or the short-sightedness or cynicism they have yet to overcome. I know I'm guilty of it too!

            When somebody is being spoken about negatively in my presence, I recognize I may not always be able to turn the entire conversation around, but if I know anything positive about the person being spoken of, I make a point of always saying it! And if I hear bad things being spoken about me, well, please refer back to what I said about the people who raise their eyebrows at my goals. Unless they're just outlandish things that anybody who knows me at all would know isn't true, then I get a good laugh too!

            Like any family, mine isn’t perfect and we don’t all get along (Even when we do have the best of intentions.). I try not to get discouraged as I try to improve as a daughter and sister through becoming better at service and humility, though.

            I am stubbornly loyal, and I not only recognize when my friends truly need me but will drop just about anything to be there for them, and I make sure they know I will do that.

            Through everything I stand for what I believe, even when I stand alone and I’ll be the first to I admit I have much to improve upon, but then I will follow that admittance up by trying my hardest to turn that “much” into “a little less than yesterday.”

            When hard times in life come my way, I grit my teeth momentarily, but then smile as I remind myself my happiness is my choice, everything happens for a reason, hard work pays off, and I can choose if I come out of the experience as a stronger or weaker person. I believe one of the best ways to keep myself becoming a stronger person is by remembering to look for anything and everything I can to be grateful for. 

           I am grateful I’m stubborn.

What qualities do you have that can be curses and/or gifts? Please leave a comment, I'd love to know! :)

In Need of a Re-start--An Examination of Happiness

I know what makes me happiest. Eight hours of sleep, tough exercise, good, whole, natural food, being productive, being in a clean environment, being creative, and having a good mix of play time and family time and me time. Savoring moments, getting ecstatic over little things, and being deeply grateful. Being on time and prepared for things. Playing outside, rain or shine.

Dagnabbit, why don't I do those things all the time?

I let little things get in the way. Little time-wasters that add up and keep from doing all of those things. I'll be honest, its mainly Facebook and texting this or that cute boy, with the occasional YouTube celebrity interview or hair tutorial binge. I've been letting those little things get in the way a lot lately. Awesome, I spent a half hour watching Naomi Campbell and Tyra Banks resolve their forever-long feud on The Tyra Show last night, aaaand how did that enrich my life? Minimally. Very minimally. And in the meantime, I lost sleep.

Tonight, I want to make a commitment to myself  to "live after the manner of happiness". Do the things that make me happy, make happiness a conscious choice. Happiness is no accident, and it wouldn't be so precious if it was! I think when I'm working to be happy, rather than just living life, I feel more satisfied because I see the bigger picture and I know I'm taking care of myself.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm happier when I have clear goals to improve, goals that I can mark improvement in weekly or even daily. Goals that I truly want, not that others want for me. I love looking back and seeing how I've purposefully learned and grown. (Although its always good to look back and see how I've accidentally learned and grown, too.)

Now, am I under the illusion that I'll make this commitment tonight and wake up with sunshine in my soul tomorrow and never again will a metaphorical rain cloud cross my sky? Not at all! Happiness isn't a destination, its a journey. . . . . or whatever that cliche is. For now we'll assume I have it right! I just want to put choosing happiness on my conscious radar again.

And along my journey, I do believe that there can be moments of pure happiness. When I am happiest, I have the ability to enjoy the here and now regardless of what happened 10 minutes ago, or what could happen any minute now, or what I'm not ready for tomorrow. I can look around at my circumstances that moment and find deep joy in how lucky I am.

My life isn't perfect, my family isn't perfect, I'm not perfect. Beyond just not being perfect, there is hurt and pain in my life, my family, and myself. But this is not hell, so it isn't all hurt and pain. This is not heaven either, so it isn't all love and respect. This is life. I guess that's what life is; a crossroads between heaven and hell, and each of us gets to choose which direction we're headed in. Sometimes I get so caught up in how close to the hell side I am, that I don't see how easily I could head towards heaven again, or how I actually am much closer to heaven than hell. I don't sleep in dirt streets in a country with an unstable government and volatile economy. I'm not so close to starving that my stomach is so big I look pregnant. I was not forced to fight in a civil war before I was even a teenager. I won't have to find my next meal in a garbage can. Looking around me now, at my piano, fireplace, warm blanket, tissues, rocking chair, and pictures of my family, I'm almost left breathless at how blessed I am.

Yes, I've thrown notes from boys who broke my heart into that fireplace. Yes, I've sat at the piano for a long time letting the notes keep me company because I didn't have any other way to process my feelings. No, my family definitely isn't all smiles like we are in all the pictures.  But I have that fireplace, that piano, and my family. Doesn't that mean so much more in the big picture? And isn't it beautiful that if I can feel sadness so deeply, it must follow that I can feel happiness that deeply as well?

Well, what a wandering post this has been! Not my most polished by any means, but welcome to my raw thought process. What is your opinion on happiness? What is something that you know makes you happy but that you don't do enough? How would you like to resolve to choose happiness for often?

P.S.-Here's what got me in this mood-its a beautiful blog by a beautiful person referred to me by a beautiful friend! http://writingrainbows.blogspot.com/p/lovely-love-story.html?spref=fb and http://writingrainbows.blogspot.com/p/rare-chain-of-events.html Her hair tutorials are also great. :)

Why Confess?

Why go behind the scenes of the pretty picture that comes to mind when you see someone as a "Nice Girl"? Why share the day-to-day experience of being a nice girl and risk messing with that neat little picture?

1. About a year ago I was introduced to the Single Dad Laughing blog (http://www.danoah.com/). I already followed several family member's blogs, but I loved how SDL shared what fun thing he did over the weekend AND went way deeper. Waaaaay, way deeper. Dan posts about whatever is on his mind, silly or deep or upset or apologetic. He uses it to make the world a better place, share what is important to him, plant ideas, be real. I realized I really wanted to do the same thing, but couldn't find a theme or name I liked and was in over my head with my junior year of high school. Thus it was shunted back on my priority list.
2. A month ago at a Christmas party a few friends and I (these friends also are commonly labeled "nice girls" or "good girls") started talking about all the things people assume about us that aren't true! Filled with the festive merriment we were, we began scheming that we'd write a book called Confessions of a Nice Girl and then build a brand empire of TV shows and clothing! Through the laughter I realized that nice girls get into a lot of the same situations, so why don't we get together and help support each other more often?
3. Over Christmas Break I watched an episode of America's Next Top Model where the models had to pick the word people had called them that hurt them most. Naturally that got me thinking about what word I would've chosen. My word? Fake. I am not perfect, but it makes me so sad that there are people who just don't understand that there really are people in the world who are genuinely happy, nice, and want do the right thing! Or, who view nice people as a threat. :(

Within the next 24 hours my subconscious had merged all three experiences into this, my opportunity to let you into a nice girl's head! Ready for an adventure? I am! :)

XOXO,
Grace

OH NO!!!

Oh no!

Turns out the draft page on blogger is not not like the draft page on my Gmail. . .the draft page on blogger includes what I've already posted. So when I clear out my draft box I delete everything I have or haven't posted. *facepalm*

 Lesson learned!